A really interesting recent realization of mine: I can decide, like, everything! Only now that I’ve developed this point of view, I realize that I hadn’t thought so before. You just assume that you are the boss in your own life, that you get to decide what your identity is, what you are working for, which kind of relationships you want to have, but I discovered that deep inside, I didn’t believe it. I always had this feeling of being controlled, of having to listen to orders by … society? what my parents told me?, lingering in the back of my mind. (Probably a lot of it is still there, but I hope to evict it soon.) It really opens a new perspective on my life because a lot of feeling helpless probably stemmed from the fact that I in deed didn’t feel like everything was in my hands. Well, I still don’t, but this slight shift in perspective does change how I see myself and my opportunities in this world.
July 28, 2012